Monday, September 6, 2010

My new best friend

My battery-operated personal fan! I would never take it out in public, but in the privacy of my own home... well, I embrace it, lol.

Top five reasons I LOVE menopause (which, by the way, has been occurring fairly regularly for the last 15 years and in ernest the last couple):

1. Several times a day I get to go on sizzling tropical vacations. For free!

2. My heating bills are way down. This would be good provided that the “power surges” would come when it’s cool out... but Murphy’s Law seems to prevail. That is, none or few in the cold months and LOTS so far during one of the hottest summers on record.

3. IF I make a New Year’s resolution, I have forgotten it by the next day. In fact, I forget if I even made any.

4. Getting dressed in the morning is like going to the Racetrack - do I bet on the skinny jeans because I sweated off 3 pounds of water weight in the night or do I bet it will be one of those mornings when only some elastic waisted track pants will fit?

5. I've no need to spend big bucks at the spa. I get steam baths many times every night (and day).

6. No need for an electric blanket to keep hubby warm. Or wait 5 minutes and he’s more likely to wake up shivering because my “surge” is over and I’ve now hogged all the sheets.

7. There is exciting new mystery in my marriage. The mystery is, my husband never knows from one minute to the next whether I will be a weeping mess or a screaming fishwife. One thing he can depend on, I will not be the boring, joyful, even-tempered woman he first met.

O.K., I realize I have now listed seven reasons, not five. In the interests of accuracy, I should go back in this post and change the number. Normally I would. But here's the eighth reason I love menopause: I don't give a shit about accuracy or much of anything else. I am a hot, cranky, depressed, brain-deranged harridan. I celebrate this b_ _ch!

(What else can I do?)

Comment... if you dare! Heeheehee!


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